when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
