And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
