you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You may now shotgun with the bride
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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