worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
