Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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