so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
