I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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