He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
