I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
