the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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