I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
the day after is always just damage control
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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