We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
