WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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