Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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