You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just threw up on my dentist
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
