I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
