Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
