i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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