Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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