I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize