I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
