i wish starbucks made bloody marys
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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