words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
