That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm passing your future prison.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
