so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
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