Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
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Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
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If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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