So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
