after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
