I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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