dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize