I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
