im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
