im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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