He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
