Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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