Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
