I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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