I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
