Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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