College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
