I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
