The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
