I think I died a long time ago.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
whose parrot is this?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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