You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
this is an emotional support booty call
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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