i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
if i died would you start the facebook group?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
