For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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