i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
