biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
nutella sex= disaster
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
