You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
