Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
