Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
