I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
