Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
