i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
