is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
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He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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