By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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