Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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