its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Vodka?
Forever.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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