I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
