operation have a gay friend backfired
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
