Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
