His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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