Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
