Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
