We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize