We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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