this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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