Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
