I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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