Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
