I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I think people are normalizing furries
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
