my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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