Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
