My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
